I was probably 13 or 14 years old.   I was at a summer basketball camp at Stonehill College, and the team I was on was doing a rebounding drill on an outdoor court. 

During the drill, two of the players on the team got into a tussle for the ball, and they ended up on the tar, rolling around; it was getting serious and about to, perhaps, go to fisticuffs.

As the two went at it, all the rest of us – that would be their teammates – were just standing there watching.

Then our coach, who was nearby, said, “Well, those are your teammates.  Are you going to do anything about it?  Or just stand there?”

Lesson learned.  We ran over and separated the two.

I am no expert on how to best combat bullying – but in my inexpert opinion, I can see tremendous upside and merit when taking on bullying to introduce a bit of the philosophy and strategy of what our summer basketball coach did:  directing and entrusting kids, under adult mentorship and supervision, to shoulder responsibility in solving a problem – to become part of the solution.   

Bullying has rightfully been placed front and center on the radar screen of America following recent high-profile bullying cases, maybe the most notorious of which was in our own state, out in the western part of Massachusetts, where Phoebe Prince, a 15 year old girl, committed suicide in the wake of being tormented and bullied in person and online.

The entire episode was horrendous – and if anything positive can result from such sadness, despair, loss, and grief, it is that the suffering and death of Phoebe Prince opened a lot of eyes and educated and enlightened a lot of minds.

I am not so sure how you handle girls bullying, but I have some thoughts on how to handle guys and bullying at the high school level – and this includes guys who bully girls and guys who bully guys. 

Here’s how you handle guys who bullies girls: with almost no sympathy extended to the guy.  If a guy bullies a girl with nasty words, in person or online, then at the very least he is suspended; if it continues, he gets expelled and the case is referred to the police.  

If a guy touches a girl in any way in an attempt to bully – then the matter is immediately turned over to law enforcement.    

As for guys bullying guys – well, the plan is a tad more nuanced and complicated.  I am not so sure it jibes with what the experts and leading consultants say should be done – but I have a feeling my ideas could work – and be part of a broader plan to stomp out bullying, almost any place in the good old U.S. of A. 

Here are my thoughts on how to take down the problem of guys bullying guys at a high school.

A couple of administrators, let's say the principal and athletic director – you can play with the authority and administrator mix – call in the toughest and most respected, and the toughest and most feared guys (sometimes they are one in the same) in the school.  These guys are almost always juniors and seniors.

You might have yourself a football and hockey player, perhaps a wrestler, maybe a perpetually pissed off gearhead and burnout, and maybe an oddball who doesn’t play any sports or participate in any other extracurricular activities, but maybe lifts weights on his own or is in to tiger-crane kung fu or karate or jujitsu, or swallows earthworms for fun, or what have you. 

For my fictional scenario – at the fictional John Doe High School – we will have four students recruited; let’s call them Bob, Moose, Jake, and Evan. 

Some of these guys might be bullies.   They won’t be for long.

They are assembled in the principal's office – and then they are recruited for a mission. 

Mr. Principal says, “Listen, I need to form a team here – and I am going to entrust all of you with something important.  Something very important.  And this important thing can’t get done unless each and everyone one of you is in on it and working together.

“You are the guys who no one will mess with.  You’re here for a reason.  We got a problem with kids getting bullied here, and you are going to help us deal with it, and get rid of it.”

Moose isn’t happy, and he asks, with an attitude, “What’s in it for me?”

Mr. Athletic Director smiles.

“What’s in it for you, Moose?” says Mr. AD.  “Well, first off, here's what is in it for you, Moose.  You have done some bullying yourself.  And we didn't go after you as aggressively as we should have.  So you are given a bit of forgiveness here.  And, trust me, it is the last time you will be given forgiveness for bullying.  You bully again and I will see to it you pay – big time.  Your life will be miserable. 

"Here’s what else is in it for you – Moose.   You can help out – and make this school a better place – and a place that is more fun and enjoyable – and where problems are kept at a minimum.  You can be a leader in doing something special.   What you are doing might not immediately seem like a big deal or important to you – but, trust me, it is."

Bob says, “This doesn’t seem fair – throwing this responsibility at us.  I’m busy.  I got … “

“Whoa, you are brilliant, Bob,” chimes in Mr. Principal.  “And you are brilliant because you figured out something very important:  Life isn’t fair.  And if you graduate from John Doe High School understanding that life isn’t fair then you are equipped with a whole lot of intelligence and wisdom.

“Another thing, Bob, in terms of fairness and responsibility and being busy – there are young men and women, only a year or two older than you, who right now are on the other side of the world and are wearing the uniform of the U.S. Armed Forces.  They are in a land of intense, brutal heat, where you see nothing but sand for a zillion miles in all directions – and they are lugging guns and fighting and trying to keep themselves and their comrades from getting killed – all the while serving the purpose of keeping your ass and mine free.  Compute, Bob?” 

Mr. Athletic Director is next up:  “You are the team.  And, hell, I am not so sure if you guys like each other.  Then again, I don’t really care.  Because this is the way it is going to be.  You are the team that will keep order, and make sure that no kid is bullied or harassed on unfairly targeted. 

“We have come to you because we believe that you can help us.  We believe you can do something important.  All you have to do is to put the word out that bullying will not be tolerated; it just won’t happen.  And you will not use any physical violence to prevent and stop bullying – and you will not use physical violence because – and all of you know this – you don’t have to.  You will not threaten anyone in any way.   And why will you not threaten anyone in any way?  Because, again, you don't have to.

"All you need to do is to let it be known across the school that there will be no more bullying at John Doe High School.  At any time, you have a question, during school or outside of school, you are to contact us immediately."

“By the way,” says Mr. Principal.  “Every other week – we’ll get the schedule down – all of us are going to meet for pizza or burgers and soda which will be provided; we might throw in some cupcakes and chips, some chicken nuggets, and cheese fries; you know, all the lovely junk you kids consume when you are having fun.   And we can talk about how things are going.”

Mr. AD says, “We are also going to have get-togethers every few weeks, of about 15 to 20 kids.  Kids will be picked at random, so that we have kids hanging out together – even if for an hour or two – who don’t normally hang out together.  I want you guys involved in these get-togethers.”

Evan asks, “What are we going to do in these … these … get-togethers.”

Mr. Principal says , “We’re still working on that.  But we might get you tickets to a movie, or a gift certificate to Papa Gino’s; we might get our hands on some Red Sox tickets – or we could send you to Dave & Buster’s.  Hell, you know what, maybe I will see if we can get a beat-up car donated and sit in the parking lot and let all of you go to town on it with a sledgehammer.  Come to think about – I’ll join in.  I have a lot of stress to release."

“I also want you guys to say hello to unpopular kids and kids who have been picked and ignored,” says Mr. AD.  “I want everyone to know that you know this kid, that you say hello to him, and that you care what is going on in his life.

“You don’t have to be his buddy or friend, but you do have to recognize him and show some concern for him.  I want him to know that each of you know who he is.”

Mr. Principal speaks next:  “This is just a start, and we are interested in your thoughts and suggestions.  This is something special we are all part of, and together we are going to have fun and do something important.

“And Mr. AD and myself have networked with many successful John Doe High School alums, and we have told them what we are doing here.  They think the idea is great – and they are supporting it, in many ways.  And if you help us and do your best to make a go of it, then we and all of them will go to bat for you for as long we are around. 

"You will have backers and friends all over the place.  And, trust me, the older you get the more you are going to value people who have your back and who can be called friends."

Jake asks, "Do you think this will work?"

Mr. Principal responds, "I am not sure.  But I have confidence.  Whether it succeeds or not is in your hands as well as our ours."