“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” Mark Twain

I’m sometimes terrified by the things that bounce around in my head and travel through whatever path it is that these things travel before exiting my mouth. If you’ve read my columns, you know exactly what I mean.

 I believe I’ve mentioned previously that I’m frequently asked how I come up with the ideas for my stories. Writing two or three columns a week and keeping it fresh would be a daunting task were it not for one thing – people! Ah, no. Wrong people!

There are stories born every second of every minute of every day and it’s all thanks to people; the things they do, how they interact with one another. People, plain and simple; a large, diverse pool from which to draw inspiration.

In my experience, the real keys to gathering material for a story are watching, listening and talking. Most all of my ideas come from simple interaction with folks, observing them, talking to them and most importantly listening to them. Being a good listener may be, for a writer, the most vital asset of all. Listening to people and reading between the lines; hearing what they’re really saying, is an art.

I recently read a news story reporting that the U. S. Department of Commerce had conducted a raid on a warehouse in Somerville where they seized 13 tons of Patagonian toothfish, aka Chilean Sea Bass. That’s 26,000 pounds of fish! That’s a large scale operation! Enough fish to grill for about 52,000 of your closest friends.

Patagonian toothfish? Really? My daughter-in-law’s mom had Chilean Sea Bass at dinner in Boston last week. I’m wagering that if the menu had read, Patagonian toothfish, she may have passed and ordered the chicken marsala.

I just can’t imagine her saying, “I think I’ll have the calamari appetizer and for my main course I think I’ll have the shrimp scampi. Oh, wait! That Patagonian toothfish sounds yummy! Is it fresh?!”

Go to the Fresh Catch and ask for the pan-seared Patagonian toothfish and see what kind of reaction you get.

And who knew the U. S. Department of Commerce had a police force? That’s frightening on many levels. I have visions of the Commerce Cops showing up at Tedeschi’s and dragging away the clerk for selling over-priced multi-flavored sports drinks to unsuspecting soccer moms. 

The news story, reported by Andy Metzger on Wickedlocal.com, stated that….

“Millbrook Cold Storage was only warehousing the fish and is not accused of anything, but the U.S. Commerce Department reportedly seized about 13 tons of suspect fish housed in the large windowless building.”

Wow! So the fish was in cold storage. Brilliant idea! Had it not been in cold storage the feds would have had to fight off15,000 incensed cats in order to gain access to the building. Notice that the article calls the fish suspects. I thought saying suspect was no longer politically correct. Shouldn’t they have said fish of interest?

The story goes on to say that, “….in 2004 the federal government started cracking down on toothfish that were not properly documented in an effort to curb the sale of illegally caught fish.”

Not properly documented, eh! Ah, now I get it! They had no papers. Those sneaky toothfish were illegals, undoubtedly being smuggled in to the country to take the place of deserving U. S. born seafood entrées. One can only hope that none of those illegals have explosives strapped to their dorsal fins. Just imagine the economic impact of schools of renegade Patagonian toothfish infiltrating the seafood counters of our supermarkets.

Apparently, this warehouse is located in an area that was once populated by slaughterhouses and meat rendering plants. Sounds nice! I wonder if there are any condos available there. That may make for a good investment. After all, there’s nothing like the stench of rotting toothfish, freshly slaughtered swine and boiling lard to boost property values.

Speaking of news, my favorite talking head, anchorwoman Karen Swenson from NECN, has left the station to relocate to New Orleans, her hometown. She and her family had moved back here in 2006 following the devastation of Hurricane Katrina with the intent of moving back home when the time was right. I’ll miss her. She was a terrific anchor person and well, let’s face it; she’s hot!

I lived in California for six years and Arizona for seven before moving back here in 1981, in part because I missed the seasons – and the storms. I love storms. Nice weather gets boring after a while. Those of you who have lived in New England all your lives may think I’m crazy. You may be right and not just because I like nasty weather.

The weather has been a major topic of conversation lately. Now I’m not one who thinks that weather is news, but I may be willing to make an exception this winter. This winter has been a test of endurance for even the most hardened New Englander.

A winter like this one creates a myriad of problems, not the least of which is snow removal. I travel around the area a lot and I can say that without question; the Easton DPW does a bang-up job of clearing our roads when compared to many of the surrounding communities. And Boston, don’t even get me started on Boston.

My family and I were in town (that’s what we New Englander’s call it) last Friday evening. We took the Red Line from Quincy to the Park Street station, switched to the Green Line and got off at Government Center. We cut through City Hall Plaza and took the stairs next to City Hall –the ones that lead down to Quincy Market.

If you’re not familiar with that area, the staircase is quite formidable, very steep and about thirty feet wide with a railing down the center; a challenge under the best of conditions. On Friday night the right half of the stairway was still snow-covered and had been cordoned off with yellow tape. The remaining usable stairs, and I use that term loosely, were covered with ice and slush and dangerously slippery, as were the walkways all the way to the North End – our destination.

 Boston is renowned for its challenges with snow removal, but come on now; wouldn’t you expect that the snow would be cleaned up right in front of City Hall where the mayor’s office is located?

New England is a great place to live. The weather can be daunting, but the other benefits make living in this area very rewarding. If my only criteria for living here were the weather, I’d be on my way back to Southern California. For those of you who may think that would be a good idea; sorry, I’m not leaving.

So far we’ve discussed the sources of my column ideas, the growing problem concerning the influx of undocumented Patagonian toothfish, my unhealthy fixation for Karen Swenson, and the harshness of our winter weather and its related issues, i.e. snow removal or the lack thereof.

Oh, I almost forgot. We began with my acknowledging my proclivity for saying exactly what I’m thinking, which is actually what birthed this baby; the aforementioned baby being this column. Fortunately for me, most people think all babies are cute no matter how they come out.

 Make it a great week!