What’s All This Fuss About Endangered Feces?

“Laughing at ourselves is possible when we are able to see humanity as it is - a little lower than the angels and at times only slightly higher than the apes” ~ Tom Mullen 

I borrowed the above title from a Saturday Night Live ‘Weekend Update’ segment; more specifically from ‘Update’ correspondent Emily Litella [Gilda Radner]

Emily opens this particular skit with the following rant.  

“What's all this fuss I keep hearing about endangered feces? Now, that's outrageous!! Why are feces endangered? How can you possibly run out of such a thing? Why, just look around you, you can see it all over the place! Besides, who wants to save that anyway? My goodness, where would we keep it?! It's dangerous, especially in the summer!! Then it could really hit the fan!”

Emily begins to laugh. Jane Curtain [the news anchor] gives her a dirty look and asks, “What's so funny?”

Emily replies, “Oh, my joke! Oh, come on, Miss Curtin, didn't you ever hear that one about ‘hitting the fan’.” 

Jane replies, “Species.”

“What's that?” Emily asks.

“Species!” Jane responds, obviously annoyed with Emily’s antics. “The list of endangered species! Not feces – species!”

“Ohhhh!” Emily says. “I must have gotten carried away. Never mind!”

What a classic! Emily Litella was one of the all-time great characters on SNL and in my opinion; Gilda Radner was one of the greatest comediennes of our time. Gilda left us much too early; succumbing to a long battle with ovarian cancer at the age of 42. 

Gilda’s character, Emily Litella had a recurring problem! A problem that is, sadly, much too common today. She wasn’t a good listener! As a result she always jumped the gun and came up with commentary after commentary based upon gross misinformation. 

Emily made this same gaffe week after week, which was a good thing for SNL because, after all; this was a comedic skit. But many play out this exact scenario time after time in real life – and that’s not funny! Truth be told, it’s downright annoying. 

Misunderstandings happen! Communication between flawed human beings [that would be everyone] can be particularly difficult. Much of what we say to one another is easily misconstrued. Often, we just don’t seem to hear what it is that the other person is actually trying to say to us. We hear what we want to hear and conversely, we don’t hear what we don’t want to hear. That’s why there are broken friendships, divorces and wars. 

There are multiple reasons for this all too frequent phenomenon of miscommunication; among them poor communication skills, shoddy listening habits, personal biases toward a certain subject, individual or group [we don’t really care what the other person has to say], and so on.     

I deal with communication breakdown incidents all the time. Because my writing style is more than likely quite different from what most people are accustomed to, some people just don’t ‘get’ me; they miss the point. Much of is predicated upon facetiousness, tongue-in-cheek commentary, sarcasm and bizarre humor carefully mixed [I hope] with a touch of wisdom. 

I used to try to explain myself when someone criticized my work, accusing me of this or that social impropriety, but I no longer bother stressing myself out trying to explain myself to someone who just doesn’t get me and probably never will. After reading upward of 125 of my offerings on Patch.com, I’d think they’d catch on after a while, but apparently some people just don’t get it – or it may be that they just don’t want to! 

Back when I thought it necessary to address undue criticism and explain that what I had written was merely tongue-in-cheek and not to be taken seriously; I found that many times the critic would re-post to the comments section of my column with a retort that clearly indicated they hadn’t really considered my previous explanation, but instead were more concerned with concocting another comeback to support their bogus position. 

Unfortunately, there are those who are much more concerned with ‘winning’ an argument than learning something new. They need to be ‘right’ all the time to make themselves worthy in their own eyes; to feed their ravenous egos. The admission that they were incorrect would mean a severe blow to their already diminished self-esteem. For these poor souls there are but two options, winning or whining! 

Of course, there are those occasions when the gross misinterpretation of my intent or tenor is quite humorous. In February of 2010, I penned a column entitled, , in which I recounted the story of an encounter with a woman who was breast feeding her baby at Target's Starbucks in Easton. I thought it was fairly obvious that it was a spoof; that I was being humorous. 

But my humor was dolefully wasted on one of my readers, Amy; a woman who obviously didn’t get it. I’ve mentioned this in a previous column some time ago, but I think it bears repeating. I still laugh when I read it. Hopefully, you will too. 

Her comment in response to my breast feeding saga was as follows: 

The Mass. Gen. Laws Ann. ch. 111 § 221 (2008) allows a mother to breastfeed her child in any public place or establishment or place which is open to and accepts or solicits the patronage of the general public and where the mother and her child may otherwise lawfully be present. The law also specifies that the act of a mother breastfeeding her child shall not be considered lewd, indecent, immoral or unlawful conduct and provides for a civil action by a mother subjected to a violation of this law. 

You claim that it's natural and you're as open minded as the next guy ("or more so"? I think not!) yet you are ranting about it on a public forum. She was being discreet about it and presumably at no point did any of her breast or nipple show, so what's it to you? Shame on you for being put out. Did it ever occur to you that she too was taking a well-deserved break from what had already been a rather hectic day and her baby was hungry? Would you have preferred she do it in the cold car, or the dirty bathroom? Next time you see a nursing mother lawfully feeding her child in public, take your wife's advice and look away. 

Ya gotta love someone who goes to all the trouble of looking up the state law on breastfeeding! When I finally stopped laughing, I responded to my befuddled friend thusly: 

Thank you for your comments, Amy. I appreciate you taking the time. 

I'm not sure whether or not you're a regular reader of my column. If you were, I think you'd understand that much of my 'style' is predicated on humor, much of it 'tongue-in-cheek'.

In reality, I have no problem with breast feeding in public between a consenting adult and a minor under the age of two. Between two consenting adults? Now THAT I would have a problem with.

I never heard from Amy again. I would assume either she was satisfied with my response or she’s still waiting to hear from Gloria Allred. 

Along the same lines, my latest column in Norton Patch entitled,, was a scathing discourse on small town life in general and life in the hamlet of Norton in particular, but I didn’t mean a word of it! It was all in fun, albeit at the town of Norton’s expense. It was a prime example of my playful, sardonic style. This particular column was so over the top that I felt it absolutely necessary to include this author’s note: 

Author’s Note: Gossip columnist, author and songwriter, Elsa Maxwell said, “Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.”  

It’s a sign of healthy self-esteem to be able to laugh when you’re the brunt of the joke. I laugh at myself all the time and believe me, there’s plenty of material. It never runs out.  

My little note must have done its job. As of this writing I’ve not received even one angry email, nor have I noticed any suspicious looking characters hanging around outside my house. 

I guess the good people of Norton picked up on my humor this time. Either that or the Nortonites or Nortonistas or whatever it is the residents of Norton are called, don’t read ! 

Yup! My writing style has gotten me into more than a few tough situations in the past. I’ve had people so angry at me that I feared retribution, but I’m now fairly secure in the fact that the vast majority of my readers understand I’m merely having a little fun with them. 

I should go now. There’s a huge crowd outside my house carrying flaming torches and shouting my name. They’re making a real ruckus. 

I’m guessing they’re fans. 

Make it a great week! 

Bob Havey is an Easton-based freelance writer and a consummate trouble-maker. His column, "The View From Here", appears each Tuesday at http://easton-ma.patch.com  and on Wednesday at http://mansfield-ma.patch.com.  His column, “The Way I See It”, runs every other Wednesday at http://norton.patch.com.