I am going to become a Liberal

After much thought I have decided to become a Liberal.  I guess I have been on the “wrong” side of things for far too long and want to become one of the beautiful people.

I now believe that Barack Obama is the best president we have ever had.  He has to be because nothing bad that ever happens is his fault.  He says so and that’s good enough for me.  He should be president for life and I also think the only thing Congress is good for is writing stuff for President Obama to make executive orders out of. 

As for voting, everybody should be able to vote and vote anywhere they want.  Also, you can vote as many times as you want and nobody really needs to know who you are.

I also think the entire country would be better off if we just walked away from our borders and just let everyone in.  I relent to the fact that we have a serious shortage of people who don’t do anything, terrorists and people just looking for handouts.   Let’s let them all in and pay them too.  We paid a lot of money and supplied a lot of benefits to those two misunderstood brothers who society forced to blow up a portion of the Boston Marathon.  Besides, there is always plenty of money to go around for welfare and other giving programs.  If we run short, we can just close those national parks and monuments.  Most folk that go to these things work for a living anyway, so no big deal.   They are used to giving up for those who are too smart to actually provide for themselves.

And speaking of money, I see way too many big boats, nice cars and vacation homes.  Nobody should be allowed to make more that say $250,000.00/ year.  That is more than enough unless you are a politician, George Clooney, most of Hollywood and the philanthropists who donate so heavily to candidates who work tirelessly to ensure that health insurance, food and living expenses are all better when some working person has to go without in order to support you.

While I am rolling here, I think that you should be able to marry anyone you want.  Your dog, a horse, a rock whatever.  And you should be able to do so anywhere you want and have as many as you want too.  And that should qualify you for benefits too.

I also feel we should outlaw all guns.  That way nobody will have one.   I also think there should be more regulation for everything.  There may still be some people who feel they can live without so much government intrusion and we will have to put a stop to that. 

A few more things too.  All cars that run on gasoline must get 100MPG.  If we make them out of cardboard, it can happen.  Just make sure your kids are in safety seats until they graduate high school, which should be easy as the schools are there to make everyone a winner. 

And please, let us make sure that no person ever again has to mine coal.  That can’t be good and we can make those who need that for a livelihood can go around putting up turbines and solar panels. 

Being a Liberal has got to be fun.  With the government and working people taking care of me I can spend all of my time to good causes like making sure that nobody ever has to drink water from a plastic bottle, can buy all of the weed I want and I can go to sleep every night knowing that that nice family from that that foreign country who came here, offered nothing and got everything is comfy-cozy in public housing.  All 43 of them.

Being a Liberal is definitely for me.  I can decide what is right for everybody else and know that I am always right.  That said I am converting and in closing I say good bye to my former friends.  You all have it wrong.  For this guy it is now time to let the good times roll!