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No Glitz! No Glamor! No Hoopla!

The columnist seems a bit scattered this week. Let’s see why.

If I'd known I was gonna live this long. I'd have taken better care of myself.  ~ Composer/Pianist Eubie Blake at age 100    

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Step right up! Don’t be shy! Let your hair down and let it all hang out! is passé and Cyber Monday was just another wasted day spent vegging out in front of your computer. But today is different! Today is the day you’ve all been waiting for! 

Today is Tuesday! 

I’m not sure that intro worked the way I’d envisioned. I’m not really a hype kinda guy. I’m more a meat and potatoes guy. I lay out what I want to say, bare bones and to the point. 

If this were a carnival or a three-ring circus that hype stuff might cut it, but it just doesn’t work here; not for me. Oh, well! I tried! And considering how I feel today I suppose I should at least give myself some credit for making the effort, no matter how unsuccessful it may have been. 

Now that I’ve tried to get you all fired up and failed miserably, what I have to say here had better be good or you won’t come back next time; and the reality of the writing biz is that I’ll only make it through these if I can drum up repeat readership. 

I can only hope you won’t hold this particular offering over my head as an example of my usual work. My writing may not quite be up to snuff today because I feel like dog poop! 

Now, I’ll admit it; I don’t rightfully know what dog poop feels like, but I’m willing to go out on a limb and say it doesn’t feel terrific. Let me clarify that when I say feel, I’m not talking about feel as in the physical type of feel; I’m talking about feel as in the emotional type of feel. 

I think anyone who has ever stepped in a pile of doggie droppings and has had to scrape that disgusting, foul-smelling, squishy mess off the bottom of their shoe will agree that the physical feel of said droppings is several notches below nauseating.   

But emotionally, if dog poop had feelings I’d expect they’d tend to lean toward the morose side. Let’s face it; dog poop stinks and no one likes to have it around, so how good could it possibly feel? 

Okay, what I’m about to say has very little to do with what I’ve already said, although it’s loosely connected, and has absolutely no connection to the point that will follow; if I ever get to it. But if you’re a regular reader of The View From Here, you’ll have no problem following where I’m about to take you and we’ll both get back safely. I promise! 

Here we go. So, who do you suppose it was who thought it would be a good idea to have that little bear in the Charmin commercial come out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck all over his rear end? Come on now, admit it. You’ve wondered about this, haven’t you? 

Do you think a bunch of writers were sitting around brainstorming and some guy jumped up out of his chair and screamed, “I’ve got it! Picture this. There’s a momma bear and a papa bear hanging around outside their bathroom, okay? Then the camera pans to the baby bear sitting on the toilet reading the newspaper. When he comes out of the bathroom mom and pop are horrified to see that their little cherub has a bunch of toilet paper stuck to his butt.” 

“In the next scene the papa bear hands the baby bear a package of toilet paper that is apparently butt-stick-proof and the young cub, obviously moved by his dad’s thoughtfulness, smiles enthusiastically. In the final scene the baby bear once again exits the bathroom, sans butt clinging shards of paper, and hands the newspaper to his dad who is apparently unaware of the dangers of coliform bacteria transmission.” 

It may have gone down that way, right? Someone had to have okayed this guy’s idea. The commercial is on TV. 

Listen, I warned you this may not be my best work so I don’t want to hear any belly-aching, okay! But I suppose I do owe you an explanation as to why my normally fully operational brain is a bit out of sorts today. 

I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes about fifteen years ago and up until now I’ve fared very well. I’ve been on oral medication and have managed to keep my blood glucose within a reasonable range. 

Diabetes is a chronic disease that generally becomes progressively worse over time. Yuh, that's a bummer, but we all have our crosses to bear and I guess this is one of mine. I say one because life is at best, uncertain, and we have no idea what may be in store for us down the road.

Life is kind of like football. If you're going to make it to the final whistle you're going to get some bumps and bruises. And you're definitely going to get beat up and knocked down in the process. The key is to keep getting back on your feet; to make it through to the end no matter what it takes to do so.

Over the past several months, my glucose levels have been on the rise. It’s probably at least partially my own fault. Okay, who am I kidding? To a certain extent, it’s definitely my own fault. Although I’m usually pretty good about what I eat, I’ve been eating more than I should. 

And forget about exercise! I sit in my office pounding on my keyboard for much of the day, so my fingers are pretty much the only part of my body that get any exercise. But a negative always generates a positive. My fingers are in great shape! 

Toward the end of 2010, I had decided it was time to get back in shape; to return to the Adonis-like physique of my youth. Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite Adonis-like, but I was in great shape. Hey, a guy’s entitled to exaggerate a little, isn’t he? 

So, I set out to find the best place to work out; a place that had all the amenities I wanted, along with being easily accessible and adaptable to my work schedule. It would have been nice to find a place where they’d do my work out for me, but seemingly no such place exists; at least not in this area. 

I did a little research and discovered that the was the best fit for my lifestyle and my work schedule so, eager to get started on my quest to reclaim my youth; I joined immediately. 

I worked out five to six days a week. I was eating right, I felt better and I saw visible results in my body within just a couple of months. If you’re like many work out wannabe’s, you know the rest of the story. I missed a work out now and then, sometimes because of my work schedule and sometimes for other reasons, e.g., I just didn’t feel like going. 

And then I just pretty much quit. Of course, I had a boatload of excuses, but excuses don’t cut it. So, after beating myself up for a week or two; I renewed my efforts to find another place to whip myself into shape. 

I checked out but decided that wasn’t the place for me. Then I investigated the , a new place right up the street from my house, but it wasn’t going to be open for business for several weeks and I wanted to get started right away, so that wasn’t going to work.  

Finally, I went to in Norton. I’d been a member there years before when it was Norton Health and Fitness and had been pretty successful in making it there nearly every morning for more than a year before that came to a screeching halt. I can’t remember what it was that got me off track. Oh, I remember now; it was me! 

Anyway, I really liked Gold’s facility and they had a great monthly plan, so I signed up and got all psyched up to start working out again. I haven’t been there since! I’m serious. I’ve never so much as entered the building since I joined. Pathetic, huh? 

A friend told me they have a Missing Persons poster on their bulletin board with my picture on it and after the first of the year they’re going to add my picture to milk cartons. 

So anyway, I was telling you about my rising blood glucose. A couple of weeks ago, I decided I’d had enough of feeling crappy and being tired all the time. I’d had to take two naps on most days, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, and I was lucky if I felt good one day out of the week. So, I decided to make an appointment with an Endocrinologist a friend had recommended. I guess you could say I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

So, I saw the doctor a couple of weeks ago and the bottom line is that I have until December 22nd to get my glucose levels in line or I’m going to have to go on insulin once a day; not something I want to do. 

The doctor increased one of my oral meds and told me my only chance to avoid going on the insulin regimen is to exercise daily and eat right. And even then, there’s no guarantee of success. It’s possible that my pancreas is fizzling out on me. 

I’ve been doing what I need to do and my glucose numbers have come down somewhat. That’s encouraging! And that little success gives me more impetus to stay the course. 

But my biggest motivation comes from the fact that I want to see my three grandchildren grow up. And I want to live long enough to dance at their weddings. 

Yup! That oughta liven up the party! 

Gampy doing the chicken dance

Make it a great week!                                         

Bob Havey is an Easton-based freelance writer and a consummate trouble-maker. His column, "The View From Here", appears each Tuesday at http://easton-ma.patch.com and on Wednesday at http://mansfield-ma.patch.com

Nancy Zilch November 29, 2011 at 04:36 PM
Yet another great column, Bob. . . hope you are exercising more than your fingers :-) The only exercise I get is getting up from my laptop and walking outside to smoke my cigarette. . . and I do walk around the deck while I smoke, too. . .LOL...hugs. . . <3
John Havey November 29, 2011 at 05:21 PM
Put a copy of our fathers obituary on the fridge, in your car, or anyplace else that you frequent. That should be motivation enough.
Jasmine November 29, 2011 at 05:29 PM
Mr Havey I better see a follow up to this column saying how great you have been at exercising and eating right and that your glucose levels have come WAY down. If not I will have to rally your family and friends to give u a good butt kicking. Of course my concern is purely selfish as I look forward to reading your columns and it's obvious if you are not around my source of entertainment goes with you. How rude....LOL
Nancy Zilch November 29, 2011 at 05:31 PM
Me thinks that your brother has a very good point, my friend!!!!
Bob Havey November 29, 2011 at 05:49 PM
Nance - Thanks! I don't smoke, nor do I have a deck, so I guess I'll just have to stick with regular exercise :-)
Bob Havey November 29, 2011 at 05:50 PM
John - You're right. Ive been thinking about that a lot.
Bob Havey November 29, 2011 at 05:51 PM
Jas - I will - actually I am - I started the day I got home from my Endocronologist appointment. I'll try to stick around to be a personal source of entertainment for you! :-)
Bob Havey November 29, 2011 at 05:52 PM
Yes, Nancy! I get the point! Thanks!
Nancy Zilch November 29, 2011 at 06:36 PM
Hey, we love you. . . and you're welcome :-)
Kelly A. Mello (Editor) November 29, 2011 at 07:47 PM
Hi Bob! I recently joined Gold's Gym too. If you need a workout buddy, and someone to make you feel like dog poop if you don't go, let me know!
Carl White November 30, 2011 at 02:33 AM
Bob - My doctor told me I was "pre-diabetic" , but since it would be Diabetes II, I could control it by diet and exercise. I try to walk everyday. At least 20 minutes. I try to walk at lunch with a friend. About a year ago, I saw a dietician. He said to make good choices. Avoid sugar and carbs (which can turn into carbs). Keep a diet diary. I used to go to Fitness Edge, but my knees kept hurting from 40 minutes on the treadmill. The best thing to do for exercise is something you enjoy. I see a lot of people cycling. I love to kayak - I feel pumped after (upper body). So eat well-plenty of fruits and vegetables. Weigh yourself once a week. Don't eat after 8 o'clock at night. Make smart choices. Light meals, an am and pm break to level your metabolism. Small portions. You know what, Bob? It will help to clear your mind. When I walk, especially in the morning, it helps me organize my day. And have an exercise buddy - wife, son, daughter, friend. You could also check out different locations like parks or conservation areas. A friend of mine actually started a walking club! She walks with all her friends. Tell you what, if you do it, I'll try to be more loyal to my exercise regimen. You've done the right thing - going to the doctor. Your family and friends want to read your patchs for many years to come.
Bob Havey November 30, 2011 at 01:12 PM
Hi Kelly - I've resigned myself to the fact that, at least for the time being; the gym is on the back burner. A friend is loaning me a recumbent bike and I'm going to go that route. Thanks for the invitation, though. I can't think of anyone who I'd rather have make me feel like dog poop. :-) If I decide to get back to the gym I'll give you a jingle. In the meantime, no procrastination! Do it!
Bob Havey November 30, 2011 at 01:17 PM
Carl - Thanks so much for all the good advice. When it comes down to it, this is all a matter of will. I need to make my health a priority. I think too often we take our health for granted. Thanks again! I appreiate your input and concern
Sandra Jones Chavez December 08, 2011 at 06:51 PM
YUP, THAT 'S WHAT FINALLY GOT ME BACK ON MY TREADMILL, DANCING AT THEIR WEDDING!! Of course I am older than you so I my be doing a slow waltz but I'll be keeping the beat for your chicken dance, Gampy!!! SJC
Bob Havey December 09, 2011 at 01:30 PM
Sandy - Two years doesn't make much of a diffrence at this point. :-)
Koko Craig January 16, 2012 at 03:57 AM
I just saw this article on the Mansfield Patch and left a comment. Then I saw it was also on the Easton Patch too so I won't leave another long response but with out being too long winded- for all of you that have tried all of the fitness options out there- you really need to stop in for a free trial at Koko FitClub in Easton. As the owner I am somewhat bias : ) Putting this bias aside, I can promise you that you have never seen anything like Koko Smartraining. For now check out the website and see if your interest is piqued that there is something revolutionary right here in Easton. Oh- btw.. for you (including Bob) that mentioned you are diabetics- Koko offers a diabetes exercise program. Hope you stop in soon : ) Koko Craig www.easton.KokoFitClub.com 508-230-Koko (5656)
ELAINE NORDBERG ROCK June 25, 2012 at 04:23 AM
My hubby has Type II Diabetes, but was lax about diet, his meds, etc. & result was a severe stroke in June '99. He can't talk, walk, w/chair bound & requires me to be his f/t caregiver for everything. He was so angry he lived thru it; finally resigned himself to he has no choice. I sold my FL home, moved back to MA after 3 hurricanes hit & 2 new roofs to be safer & closer to family as I continue to care for him. YOU do not want to go that route. Now I need to lose wt gained trying to quit butts! Feel like we're on a race track to see who croaks first! Do the right thing, please! I enjoy reading your columns & wish you well.
kokocraig June 25, 2012 at 07:22 PM
Hi Elaine, I have something just for you to help you get going. Please contact me at Koko FitClub in Easton at 508-230-5656 or email me at Craig@FitClubTeam.com Best Regards Craig

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